You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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