I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
