i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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