Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
