I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize