If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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