you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
