i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
