im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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