what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
