i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
