I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
