Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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