Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize