is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
