you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
