i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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