I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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