yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
