I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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