I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize