I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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