ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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