Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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