I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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