"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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