sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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