is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
