I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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