I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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