Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
