I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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