I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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