he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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