That's intense
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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