If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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