if you like me you must not know who I am
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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