I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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