I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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