I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
