"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
