Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
