You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
