How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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