Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
