Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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