I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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