i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
