MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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