I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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