If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
