Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
