last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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