I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize