I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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