I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
