i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
