thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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