So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
