have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
