There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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