the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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