he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
