U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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