if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
