What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
