Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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